Let's Talk About Squirrels

I stirred up some controversy by posting a photograph of a grey squirrel on a nature forum.  Suppose we lay aside the emotion and look at the facts.

All squirrels, correctly, have been described as "rats with good PR". I used to use that phrase when teaching PR, because it made students think about the difference between reality and presentation. Since the grey was introduced to the UK in 1870, it can hardly be classed as a recent immigrant. The present generation may be regarded as "invasive", but equally obviously, all its members were born here, as were their progenitors for a couple of dozen generations. We should perhaps consider that.

Greys do not directly harm red squirrels and are thus not in the same category as feral mink, unwisely released by people who mistakenly thought they were doing good. Among its several advantages, the grey is hardier and more efficient at storing fat through hard winters than the red, and is immune to the squirrel pox virus, which it may however carry.

But, like American Indians, the red squirrel can, over time, develop immunity to initially fatal imported diseases which decimated their numbers. (The date is not still 1870). The red will nevertheless not out-compete the grey, because it is simply less efficient in most habitats. It is however possible to take action to preserve reds in the areas where they remain dominant.

Conversation with a Squirrel

"It's no use complaining to me, mate," said the grey squirrel, drawing himself up to his full height of about ten inches or so.  "There's no sign here saying 'Birds only, squirrels keep off,'"

"Would you take any notice if I put up a sign?" I asked.

"Of course not," he replied. "Squirrels can't read, silly."

"And it doesn't seem to make any difference if I set up the bird feeder in a holly bush or some other really tricky location."


"You have to know the right way to approach a holly bush, but of course I do know it.  And as for tricky locations, I don't know what you mean. I am a squirrel.  There's no such thing as a tricky location.  Anyway, what have you got against squirrels eating these seeds?  Birds are messy and they drop half of the seeds on the ground.  Then you get weeds in your flower bed.  You should be thanking me for performing a public service."

"I don't mind so much about the seeds on the ground.  It's the climbing up the bird table that I'm objecting to."

"There's no notice here saying, 'No climbing.'"

"Now look, we've been through all that.  What about the poor red squirrels anyway.  You've driven them all off and they were here first."

"Personally I never saw a red squirrel mate.  In any case, what about the Picts?  You Scots have driven them all off and they were here first."

"Probably they forgot to put up any notices,"  I said.